Being emotionally intelligent is important to us as Instructors as it allows us to create rapport and empathy with our students and also enhance our effectiveness within the team. Some researchers say emotional intelligence cannot be developed or learnt, considering it as inborn, whereas some disagree. The following information has been put together as a basic introduction and insight into emotional intelligence.  

So what is emotional intelligence, or EI? -  “The ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions.” 

Here are some examples of how EI can play a role in everyday life:

• Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes (empathy)

People with strong EI are able to consider the perspective, experiences and emotions of other people and use this to explain why people behave the way they do.

• Consider a situation before reacting

People with EI know emotions can be powerful but are also short lived. When there is a highly charged event, like anger, the EI response would be to take time before responding. This allows everyone to calm their emotions and think more rationally.

• Being aware of your own emotions

People with EI are not only good at thinking about how other people might feel; they are also adept at understanding their own feelings. Self-awareness allows people to consider the many different factors that contribute to their emotions.

• Emotional intelligence and communication

Emotional intelligence is closely related to communication skills; those high in EQ (Emotional Quotient) also tend to be proficient in their communication abilities.

How can we develop our own emotional intelligence?

Firstly we can LISTEN. If you want to understand what the other person is feeling, the first step is to stop and pay attention. Take time to listen to what people are trying to tell you, both with words, actions and body language - so verbally and non-verbally. Body language can carry a great deal of meaning and when you sense how someone is feeling, consider the different factors that might be contributing to that emotion. 

Use EMPATHY which is picking up on emotions.  Being able to position yourself in someone else’s shoes in order to truly understand their position. Practice empathising with other people, imagine how you would feel if you were them. Such activities can help build emotional understanding of a specific situation as well as develop stronger emotional skills in the long-term.  

REFLECT, reason with emotions, consider how your own emotions influence your decisions and behaviours. When you are thinking about how other people respond, assess the role their emotions play. Why are they feeling like this, are there any unseen factors, and how does your feeling differ from theirs? As you look at these questions you may find it becomes easier to understand the role of emotion plays in how people think and behave.  

What does emotional intelligence look like?

Those who are high in emotional intelligence tend to consider the feelings of others, as well as their own; they will practice empathy for others and relate to them in conversation; build trust through verbal and non-verbal cues and communicate honestly; and recognise, identify, and clear up any misunderstandings.  

Emotionally intelligent people pay attention to what they are feeling, have self-awareness, recognising moods, emotions, and feelings, as well as being aware of how your emotions and moods influence other people. This ability to monitor your own emotional state is a basic requirement for emotional intelligence. They will also have a good understanding of how other people feel.

Empathy involves the ability to understand the emotions of other people. In order to interact with other people whether it’s colleagues or students, you need to be able to know what they are feeling. If a co-worker is upset or frustrated, knowing what they are feeling can give you a much better idea of how to respond.  

They are able to regulate their emotions. Self-regulation is absolutely central to emotional intelligence. Understanding your emotions is great, but not particularly useful if you cannot make use of this knowledge. Emotionally intelligent people think before they act on their feelings. They are in tune with how they feel, and they do not let their emotions rule their lives.  

They are motivated to achieve their goals and capable of managing their behaviours and feelings in order to achieve long-term success. They might be nervous about making a change in their lives, but they know that managing this fear is important. By taking a leap and making the change, they know that they might make their lives better and come one step closer to attaining their goals.  

They have great social skills, in part because they are so attuned to their own feelings as well as those of others. They know how to deal with people effectively, and they are invested in maintaining healthy social relationships and helping those around them succeed.  

They are willing and able to discuss feelings with others. Sometimes people are empathetic and in tune with their emotions, but struggle to actually share these feelings with others. Emotionally intelligent people not only understand feelings, but they know how to express them appropriately. What exactly do we mean by appropriately? Imagine, for example, that you just had a particularly awful day at work. You are tired, frustrated, and angry about how things went at an important meeting.  

An inappropriate expression of your feelings might involve coming home and getting into an argument or sending a nasty email to your boss. A more appropriate emotional reaction would be discussing your frustrations, releasing some tension by going for a jog, and coming up with a plan to make the next day better than the one before.  

They are able to correctly identify the underlying causes of their emotions by assessing feelings, analysing what they or you are really upset about.  Are you mad about your co-worker’s actions, or does your anger stem from underlying frustrations and pressure from a boss who has heaped too much work and responsibility on your shoulders?  

Emotionally intelligent people are able to look at the situation and correctly identify the true source of their feelings.

Empathy is key, generally we are pretty well-attuned to our own feelings and emotions, but empathy allows us to ‘walk a mile in another's shoes’, it permits us to understand the emotions that another person is feeling.  

Can you identify with any of the emotional intelligence aspects above?

Perhaps reflect and consider founding fathers, Salovey and Mayer’s Hierarchy of Emotional Intelligence to assist with your emotional skills and abilities. Through the development and understanding of emotions; perceiving them accurately, (verbal and non-verbal), the promotion of thinking and cognitive(reasoning) activity, better interpretation of people’s emotions - if someone is scared, understanding the cause, and finally the ability to effectively manage emotions, regulating and responding appropriately. 

Take time to try and consider the above, alongside how simple things like listening, reflecting and using empathy within your instructing and coaching environment might enhance your relationships, rapport and understanding.